1、Two elderly men are sitting on a bench outside a retirment home and one says, “Ted I am 83 years old now and I’m just full of aches and pains. I know you’re about my age how do you feel?”
Ted says “I feel like a newborn baby!”
“Really? like a newborn baby?”
“Yep no hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants!”
2、About the only thing that comes to us without effort is old age.- Gloria Pitzer
3、The most effective way to remember your wife’s birthday is to forget it once.
4、Looking fifty is great – if you’re sixty.- - Joan Rivers
5、You are only young once, but you can be immature for a lifetime.
6、Happy Birthday. I promise I won’t tell how old you really are!
7、My wife hasn’t had a birthday in 4 years. She was born in the year of… Lord-only-knows.
8、For all the advances in medicine, there is still no cure for the common birthday. - John Glenn
9、Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed.
10、You know you are getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.- Bob Hope
11、Birthdays are nature’s way of telling us to eat more cake.
12、Men are like wine: some turn to vinegar, but the best improve with age. - Pope John XXIII
13、You would have loved the gift I didn’t bother getting you.
14、A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday. - Erma Bombeck
15、Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
16、Age is something that doesn’t matter, unless you are a cheese. - Billie Burke
17、When I have a birthday I take the day off. But when my wife has a birthday, she takes a year or two off.
18、With age comes wisdom. You’re one of the wisest people I know.
19、Time and Tide wait for no man, but time always stands still for a woman of thirty.- Robert Frost
20、Like many women my age, I am 28 years old. - Mary Schmich
21、The return of my birthday, if I remember it, fills me with thoughts which it seems to be the general care of humanity to escape. - Samuel Johnson
22、Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other never forgets them.- Ogden Nash
23、After thirty, a body has a mind of its own. - Bette Midler
24、One more year of existence down the drain. Happy Birthday!
25、When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.-Mark Twain
26、A man is getting old when he walks around a puddle instead of through it. - R. C. Ferguson
27、If we could be twice young and twice old we could correct all our mistakes. - Euripedes
28、Old age isn’t so bad when you consider the alternative. - Maurice Chevalier
29、Age is a number and mine is unlisted.
30、Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that the people who have the most live the longest. - Father Larry Lorenzoni